Unpredictable? It's okay!

Sometimes you can't tell just when your child will no longer show "signs" of autism. I was getting lost in the moment today in church when Jeremiah was given a speaking part as part of a monthly children's 5-10 minute skit, song and scripture. I was very proud of him but in the back of my mind I thought maybe I should exit with him to help him calmly come down from his "stimulation" of being involved. Then I thought, he'll be okay.

Within 5 minutes from their exit, I heard rustling in the foyer and what sounded like, my son. I waited a moment, listening for a climax, and then it came. As I quickly forged myself out of church to come to his aid and to those that were struggling to calm and understand his frustration, I realized someone was coming to ask for help. I picked him up off the floor and escorted him outside. As we talked with no eye contact, he was so lost in his world that he couldn't function to see that people were trying to help him.

For many years, and probably many more to come, I have tried to instill in him two sayings: "Use your words" and "Ask for help" to assist him in instances like this with hopes that one day it will stick and he'll be able to tell others what is going on in his mind. To some, this may be incomprehensible, "Why do you have to repeat yourself so many times?", "Why can't he 'get' it?", "Why does he need to be reminded to talk?" What others not in this situation don't understand is, that most of the simplest forms of communication are not easy to comprehend nor are embedded in his concepts of problem solving. Talking is hard, it takes effort, a 'conscience' effort.

After walking around the building trying to get him to explain his frustrations and anger and reminding him that it's okay to ask for help, we got to the real reason, he lost a paper. A PAPER???? That's it? That's why he threw himself on the floor kicking, screaming and yelling afflicting many adults with questions. After the performance, they switched from the Sunday school classroom to the Children's Church room and he dropped one of his papers. He in turn went in circles around the church trying to locate this paper and was unsuccessful therefore, resulting in his desire to bolt outside the church in his frustration.

There were many people there to help him when I arrived on the scene, yet none were successful in trying to figure this out and caused him to be more angry about the fact that everyone was 'attacking' him, not helping (at least,in his eyes). He explained in full detail what the paper had on it and that I told him I'd look for it when a man offered to help Jeremiah in Children's church if Jeremiah would like to attend. He agreed and ended up having a wonderful time. I found his paper and returned it to him, with explaining to others that he was just trying to find a paper. A simple thing, like a paper missing, can trigger him.

Autism is unpredictable and its affects. Therefore kids with autism need buddies in every situation/environment: Church, school, store, ball field, etc. This maybe an adult, another peer, their sibling or a parent, however, it is extremely important that they understand this relationship, get to know and rely on that 'buddy'. In that way, they know exactly who they can talk to, trust and who would understand them.

Even though I've been through this type of situation many times over the course of 8 1/2 years I still feel guilty that I could've prevented some of this behavior and yet it becomes my constant reminder that he is autistic. He will achieve greatness, I have no doubt, he just needs help along the way. I can't blame this or that or find the cause but I can love him because God gave him to us for a reason, I truly believe. I may never know the true reason, but I am so glad that God trusted us to take care of his child.