(picture taken during the Christmas Party at Gowen Field, Boise, Idaho ~ December 2008 for the 183rd Airborne)
Crow Nest 2008

Well, here we go again…Another year has passed and the kids never stop growing inside or out. So I will attempt to keep you updated. (So long as they can stop growing for a minute!)

Jeremiah is 11 ½ and is getting those “adult” features. It’s probably harder on me because I can look him in the eye now. He is still very imaginative and creative and loves to pretend that he’s a spy so he can sneak up on you. However, not in his favor, I have a keen ear that can hear the slightest movement anywhere in the house. Needless to say, I’ve scared him more times than he me. He enjoys various projects with his “Papa Pfost” and is in the middle of making their own flagpole. Not sure where it will go once finished but these projects are very good for the both of them. The first part of the year he spent finishing up Bible quizzing from Genesis and won gold, silver and bronze medals for the quiz meets. This year, he’s studying Exodus and so far has earned himself a gold medal. He continues to amaze us yet he still struggles with his anger and aggression. We are praying daily for God to take the reins on this.

Thomas….oh, Thomas! Our little character! He’s embarking on 9 years come February. He loves life to the fullest and has quick reflexes when it comes to sports. At the beginning of the year he played in Upwards Basketball, with Sean as his coach, and was one of the star players for the team. He and his sister will be starting up again in January. He is creative in writing and drawing and is a big help around the house. With his calm spirit and tender heart he keeps tabs on the other two. It is nice to have both boys in therapy together for keeping an eye on each other. He loves to tell jokes, reads very well and Nana LOVES for Thomas to cuddle with her (as do I). Starting piano lessons has been a real treat for all of us. He loves to cook, clean, race radio control cars and always finds time to encourage everyone everyday about everything!

Laura is ‘7’!!! She just had her birthday on the 18th and we celebrated it on the 20th by having a “Spa Day” at our house. It was a 4 hour ordeal complete with manicures, pedicures, facials and massage. We snacked on cucumber, tomato sandwiches, or bon~ bon’s and other sweets. We were going to curl hair and make “do’s” but ran out of time. Lots of fun to be had! She will be starting Upwards Basketball in January and is anxiously waiting. She went to girls’ camp for the first time this summer and really loved it. She passed two swim classes this year and we hope to have her continue in the spring in Level 3. She is ALL girl!

They still like Webkinz and all three are doing very well in school. We started Idaho Virtual Academy in August and have found it refreshing to say the least. It allows us to be more flexible in the ways our kids learn best and I feel we’ve accomplished much more. They take every opportunity to make breakfast in bed. It was a tradition I was doing to help Jeremiah understand being sick. He’d never tell me when he wasn’t feeling good even if he had a temperature of 104, he didn’t give in. Every once in a while they surprise me and wake me up with breakfast (eggs, toast and juice) on our silver platter.

Sean completed his duty this year by going to basic and AIT from April through July and was recently commissioned as a 2nd Lt in the Idaho Army National Guard attached to the 183rd Aviation unit as a Chaplain Candidate, a MOS change from the band. He is employed with Pioneer Mortgage and Insurance as a mortgage loan officer while returning to NNU through their online Master of Divinity coursework. He will be leaving to South Carolina possibly by next summer to begin the Chaplain Candidate training necessary for his MOS. We look forward to what God has for our family and the spiritual journey he has us on. During the time Sean was away, I had an oophorectomy and was taken care of by friends, family and very faithful NNU students. Through this time I had to learn to rely on others to help us out.

I am a stay-at-home mom and enjoy it. This allows me more time with the kids and Sean while experimenting with new recipes and just keeping up with the growing clan. I have recently relinquished my authority as the Chair for Regional Early Childhood Committee so that I could focus more on the kids’ education. Next spring, I have the privilege to be making an Autism presentation to other Early Childhood constituents. These opportunities inspire me to continue speaking about what we’ve been, what we are and what we’re going to go through and they allow me to give God the glory through ALL our trials. I held my 4th annual Ladies Christmas Tea the first Saturday in December and it was sure a delight! There were about 30 ladies, including their daughters, in attendance. We had plenty of food, fun and fellowship and I’m anticipating next year’s tea time.

Even with school, virtual or online, we’ve been able to grow closer as a unit and each member having a special place in the family (Jeremiah with his smile, Thomas with his laughter and Laura with a twinkle in her eye). Sean and I are very blessed and proud of them. With everything that is going on with our society, economy and our country we see the struggles and are comforted that God is protecting us in the midst of fury. May we look to Him today and each day as we are reminded of the blessings He has given us instead of dwelling on material things taken from us.

He is the real reason we celebrate and we rejoice in His coming again!!! Merry CHRISTmas to each and every one and may 2009 be even better!

Blessed be His name~Melissa S Crow

Some days are better than others...

One thing to keep in mind in persons with Autism, one moment you can be having the best day ever and something sets them off (as easily as a sibling picking up a toy that belongs to the autistic). They can have prominent explosive behaviors or irrational resolutions to simple problems.

I had the opportunity to observe a little girl with Autism and she was rude, self-serving and somewhat biligerant. I found it interesting in the reactions of others in her environment. She kept saying "go away, I didn't ask for your help, stop talking to me, don't help me." So I approached the behavior by squatting down at her level and explaining quietly that it hurts other's feelings when she talks like that. I waited until she took her fingers out of her ears and said "may I make a suggestion?" She yelled, "Don't help me, I don't need you, I don't need help." So, I repeated myself and asked her again "may I make a suggestion?" She looked bewildered and was a little reluctant but as she pulled her fingers out of her ears she replied, "yes."

I truly believe it is in the delivery in how things are presented, if we say it in a way that we are asking their opinion (a little reverse psychology) to get them to involve us in their world, we can achieve much. If we are getting easily angered in how they respond to our helping them we will not see the progression of achievement possible.

In our dealings with our kids, typical and with Autism, we find we are very repetitious, consistant and very creative. For example, Laura turned 7 today and received a birthday package in the mail from one set of grandparents. She opened it with delight as she gazed upon a "learning laptop." I smiled! What she doesn't realize is that it concretely reinforces everything she is learning in our homeschool. She sees it as a LAPTOP! An electronic device for pleasure. So, to make her see it as a toy and not a learning instrument, I read all the things that she can do on it and said after each one, "Wow, you're going to be so good at this. I think you will beat the computer!" She gave me one of those "I know" looks and played hard on it doing all the math problems for the next 2 hours. What she doesn't know...definately won't hurt her!

Okay....so it's been a while

I'm finally starting to get some things in order and that means I'll be blogging more. Thanks to everyone who have been waiting patiently on me! ;o)

So, today we went to the NNU Fine Arts building for Thomas' piano lessons. One thing to note: The Fine Arts building used to be the Samaritan Hospital way back when. While we were waiting, Laura said "Mom, who was born here?" I replied, "your uncle Jim." She asked "were you born here?" I joyously said "no!" She asked, "where were you born?" I smiled and told her I was born at Mercy Hospital. Never running out of continual questions she asked, "Mom, what's mercy?" Jeremiah emphatically said "Mercy is when God gives you a second chance!" Well put and the questions were laid to rest! AMEN

Honorable Toastmaster Jeremiah

My husband is the president in Nampa of the local affiliate of Toastmasters International. He took Jeremiah to the club today and told him he may have the chance to speak during their session of "table topics"; this is where members and guests are called upon to briefly speak about a subject impromptu for 1 to 2 minutes in front of everyone.

After his dad spoke and then finished, the table topics master turned the groups' attention to Jeremiah and asked in a big voice "Jeremiah, would you like to speak tonight?" Jeremiah turned to dad for a moment sheepishly, and then with a few prompts stood up and spoke in front of the group!

He said how he liked to do things with daddy, to hunt, fish, golf, play "ship", and other games. Jeremiah talked for an official 30 seconds (all speeches of members and guests are timed for the record), and then he finished with a flair that took the breath away from all the members: when he finished he stopped, outstretched his arm toward the podium and acknowledged the table topics master honorably saying "Mr. Table Topics master" !! The applause was stupendous and Jeremiah sat with a smile that would shatter the midnight into dawn...

There was a first-time guest (who doesn't even know of Jeremiah's autism) who was last to be called upon. When he was asked if he would speak or pass (he was a guest), he said "well, I can hardly back down now after what Jeremiah has done".....

Silent Night....

All is well in our home, and silent....well, it should be it's 12am. With the swooshing of the dishwasher and dryer going and kids not underfoot reminds me of the song "Silent Night." However, I was reminded three days ago that there is a different rendition of the verse "round yon virgin."

Jeremiah pleaded with me to listen to him sing Silent Night after returning from therapy. His chest puffed up as he started to sing, standing straight and tall with hands at their respected side. Mind you, his rhythm is better than his pitch. As he approached the verse I was so proud of him and then the words "rounder version" rolled out. My ears perked with eyes wide open, eyebrows raised, biting my tongue, he finished the song. I cheered him on, he took a bow and left the room grinning from ear to ear, his DT and I tried very hard not to laugh for fear of hurting his feelings. Yet, with it being Christmas time it will forever make me smile everytime I hear "Silent Night."

We Give Thanks!

This is our newest family portrait. It initially was for our church directory but we try to take a family portrait once a year so this became that time. I hope those that keep updated with our family find this picture helpful when you can't see us all the time. We love and appreciate all the support through the years and the ongoing prayers offered. We wish everyone Happy Thanksgiving and hope to see you soon!

With all our love,

Sean, Melissa, Jeremiah, Thomas and Laura Crow

Dictionary according to Thomas

Thomas is very creative with a wild imagination and great sense of humor. To understand him you have to understand his verbage....

Word:
Fly Slapper-his name for the fly swatter (we find his word more appealing..)

Hurts like the chickens-another useful saying

Buggles-Snug as a bug on a rug, also known as, cuddle-time

The fighting room-actually the 'fitting room' but he starts crying everytime he sees the sign at the store and so I asked him what made him so sad, he replied "I don't want to go to the fighting room." His first venture in reading...

Drop your drawers-Thomas takes his sweet time in doing anything, but one day I was so tired of waiting on him I said "Drop your drawers" he frowned and said with a stern voice "I am NOT a drawer, and don't call me names!" I tried really hard not to laugh, but then he thought I was laughing at him, so I waited until after I dropped him off at school before I blew....Yes, he's still very much a literal thinker!

There will be more additions at a later date for I am sure he's not done with his definitions!

Take care and try buggling!

Future ambitions....

If I post what my children would like to be, as they see the world now, I wonder if or when they'll come true....

Jeremiah wants to be a pilot/astronaut. Basically, be in charge of anything that can fly! Thankfully, a local chapter of Young Eagles took he, his brother and sister, father and grandfather up for a ride. It was such a neat experience they'll never forget! He is extremely good at legos and loves to explore and build. He does take charge and has a go-get-em attitude. I just hope that one day soon that the social anxieties dissipate and he can move forward towards his goals.

Thomas wants to be a police officer/teacher. This is a very good ambition! He is the peace maker in the house and if something isn't right he 'takes care of it!' especially if someone needs nurturing. He loves children and at every chance he takes very good care of them and baby dolls, too. I remember when Laura was born and everytime she cried, he was there first, even before mom and dad. He will make an excellent father and husband someday.

Laura wants to be a firefighter/doctor. I say "more power to ya!" She is a very determined and strong willed individual that, if given the chance, will make a huge impact on society. She will be made known. She's already (at age 4) expressed a passion of one day talking about autism and her brothers. AWESOME!!!! She is a leader, so don't be surprised to hear her name in the future. She is loving and a little lady, mommy's helper and daddy's girl.

I have NO doubts that all 3 will make it big in the world. I'm very proud as to what they have already become!

Aggression

The older Jeremiah gets the bigger and stronger he gets! The only problem is, is that his aggression and anger issues due to the lack of communication and social skills are increasingly growing with him. His frustration level is higher and his focusing has lessened.

Just to sit down and doing a tracing activity which isn't difficult nor a new concept, however, becomes his ultimate breakdown and hinders any activity beyond simplicity or basic. There are some days where you can't initiate any new concept or problem for fear of negative response. Some days, he'll do pages upon pages of any activity. Who knows what day it will be like, and it's in the unknown that I am writing. It causes me much grief that he may never be able to adjust and recorrect this behavior. It is troublesome that the state of Idaho puts a 3-year cap on IBI services. Who says autism and the behaviors associated therein ends in three years?

Unfortunately, this type of cap was administered by the State and regulated by Health and Welfare's interpretation. They don't live with the fear of an outrage and possibly violent behavior undetermined by specialists. I have been hit, kicked, punched, pinched, spat at, head-banged, bitten, scream and yelled at, and most of the time he doesn't understand he's doing it or the consequences thereof. The other day I held him for 15 minutes because he was so full of anger toward his brother that if I let go of him he would have attacked me or him. Thankfully, my father showed up unannouced and held him so that I could walk away from the situation. I was so exhausted because it used up every ounce of energy I had to protect him, I became an emotional wreck. I literally couldn't stand, I was sick to my stomach and I feared what could've happened.

Thankfully, this time, things calmed down. One of these days, because of the Health and Welfare's decision, my child might be hog-tied or restrained in such a way by authorities that it will only hurt his progress and make matters worse just because the lack of understanding. Or.....Brutal enough, someone somewhere is going to misinterpret mine or my husbands handling of the situation and call us into CP. I am trying to be patient, but my heart aches for my son who desperately wants to achieve "normalcy". We can only do so much, thankfully God is on our side, but I wouldn't want to be in the shoes of those who don't believe.

There's got to be another way to reach those in power to change the course of our son's life, but who or how? Please, I beg of you, keep praying for our sons, their behaviors and our family in general, it's hard to live this way! Also, keep in mind those who are afraid to voice their concerns but live in my world day-to-day.

Pick up line?

Thomas and I were picking up Laura from her cousins' house and she got into the van while I was talking to my cousin. When I got inside the van Thomas explained "Laura said I was picking her up, but I told her, 'I'm not married yet!'" Of course, I lost it!

That man!!!

Tonight as we were driving home, the kids were talking about Spiderman and Batman. Laura wanted to put her 2 cents worth into the conversation and said, "Jeremiah can be Spiderman and Thomas will be That man." I couldn't help but chuckle as my husband replied "That man and that man and that man.......na,na,na,na,na,na,na,na,na,na,na,na,na,na,na,na......
THAT MAN!!!!!"

Rollie Pollie

After eating a large lunch at Chapala's Jeremiah held both sides of his tummy and in a big sigh said, "I 'm so full and big and round, my head is going to shrink and my arms and legs will get smaller, then you can roll me like a ball all the way home!" Just like the pig in Chicken Little!

Unpredictable? It's okay!

Sometimes you can't tell just when your child will no longer show "signs" of autism. I was getting lost in the moment today in church when Jeremiah was given a speaking part as part of a monthly children's 5-10 minute skit, song and scripture. I was very proud of him but in the back of my mind I thought maybe I should exit with him to help him calmly come down from his "stimulation" of being involved. Then I thought, he'll be okay.

Within 5 minutes from their exit, I heard rustling in the foyer and what sounded like, my son. I waited a moment, listening for a climax, and then it came. As I quickly forged myself out of church to come to his aid and to those that were struggling to calm and understand his frustration, I realized someone was coming to ask for help. I picked him up off the floor and escorted him outside. As we talked with no eye contact, he was so lost in his world that he couldn't function to see that people were trying to help him.

For many years, and probably many more to come, I have tried to instill in him two sayings: "Use your words" and "Ask for help" to assist him in instances like this with hopes that one day it will stick and he'll be able to tell others what is going on in his mind. To some, this may be incomprehensible, "Why do you have to repeat yourself so many times?", "Why can't he 'get' it?", "Why does he need to be reminded to talk?" What others not in this situation don't understand is, that most of the simplest forms of communication are not easy to comprehend nor are embedded in his concepts of problem solving. Talking is hard, it takes effort, a 'conscience' effort.

After walking around the building trying to get him to explain his frustrations and anger and reminding him that it's okay to ask for help, we got to the real reason, he lost a paper. A PAPER???? That's it? That's why he threw himself on the floor kicking, screaming and yelling afflicting many adults with questions. After the performance, they switched from the Sunday school classroom to the Children's Church room and he dropped one of his papers. He in turn went in circles around the church trying to locate this paper and was unsuccessful therefore, resulting in his desire to bolt outside the church in his frustration.

There were many people there to help him when I arrived on the scene, yet none were successful in trying to figure this out and caused him to be more angry about the fact that everyone was 'attacking' him, not helping (at least,in his eyes). He explained in full detail what the paper had on it and that I told him I'd look for it when a man offered to help Jeremiah in Children's church if Jeremiah would like to attend. He agreed and ended up having a wonderful time. I found his paper and returned it to him, with explaining to others that he was just trying to find a paper. A simple thing, like a paper missing, can trigger him.

Autism is unpredictable and its affects. Therefore kids with autism need buddies in every situation/environment: Church, school, store, ball field, etc. This maybe an adult, another peer, their sibling or a parent, however, it is extremely important that they understand this relationship, get to know and rely on that 'buddy'. In that way, they know exactly who they can talk to, trust and who would understand them.

Even though I've been through this type of situation many times over the course of 8 1/2 years I still feel guilty that I could've prevented some of this behavior and yet it becomes my constant reminder that he is autistic. He will achieve greatness, I have no doubt, he just needs help along the way. I can't blame this or that or find the cause but I can love him because God gave him to us for a reason, I truly believe. I may never know the true reason, but I am so glad that God trusted us to take care of his child.

Whatever!

I made a very large batch of brownies, which I haven't done for my family because of the "milk" issue, but I wanted to allow my kids to enjoy a bite. When they finished their dinner Sean served them each a brownie. While Jeremiah was eating his, Sean asked him "Is it hard?" he replied "No, it's easy."

We were looking for "soft" but since we weren't specific.... I then asked him "Is it salty or sweet?" He replied "Sour." Baffled, I questioned "Sour?" He quickly responded "Sweet, sour, whatever!" He scarfed down the brownie like it was going to be taken away. Sean and I kept chuckling.......that's one for the blog!

Student of the week

Today, Jeremiah was announced as being the student of the week for next week. He will sit at a special table for lunch on Tuesday, and we're invited to eat with him. He's to bring in pictures of himself and will receive a special recognition award. We are VERY proud of him and his efforts at school. Way to go, JEREMIAH!

What would you do?

The kids and I were at the gas station and I started to get out to pay. Jeremiah wanted to do the honor, so I handed him a check I had already prepared. He ran up to pay the attendant when he noticed a 5 dollar bill on the ground. Without hesitation, he picked it up and gave it to the attendant and responded "It's not mine." I could see there was a problem, the attendant kept asking him, "Didn't you get that from your mommy?", "Are you sure that's not your mommy's?" He kept saying "No, it's not mine!" When I got there, the attendant asked me the same question and when I responded the same, she was shocked.

I think it stunned her to think that a child nowadays would be trusting enough to do what he did. I knew in my heart that Jeremiah did the right thing, even when I wasn't right by him. That gesture alone helped me to realize that Jeremiah is learning and that he is going to be "just fine!" God is on his side and that Sean and I are doing something right!

Friends

Isn't it funny how kids make friends? One thing I've noticed is that is says a lot about their character.

Example: I was at the school and observing Jeremiah and his playmates when I notice that he enjoys those that enjoy him. He also will "fight to the death" for any one of these friends. Whereas Thomas befriends those that are struggling or having a hard time and tries to lift their spirits.

Jeremiah is a leader not a follower. He is a warrior type. He's strong and starting to be very opinionated. He is LOYAL! I can see him sticking up for himself and others whom he trusts.

Thomas is a heart warmer. Laughing as he goes, but with a sensitivity that could crush his heart in seconds. He is LOVING, CARING and THOUGHTFUL! I can see him sticking by others and together making strong, lasting bonds.

God will take care of it!

I was taking up the trash in the kitchen the other night and Thomas said he'd be my helper. Well, I cinched up the sack and asked him if he'd take it to the garbage can in the garage. "SURE!!" He exclaimed with such exuberance. Seconds later, I hear moaning, groaning, huffing and puffing. "Mom!" I went to see what was going on. He couldn't quite pick up the bag to put it in the can because of its size and the van was parked too close. I told him not to worry about it and to put it off to the side and then he mumbled something. So, I repeated what I thought he said "daddy will do it?" He then proceeded to correct me "No, God will do it!" "Oh", I replied. He put it down and turned to me with a huge grin "Don't worry mommy, God will take care of it!" Isn't it like a child of God to express such innocense and a true belief in God's ability that makes everything better and wipes away the stress.

Twoo Wuv

Lately, the boys have been anxious to go to school. Anxious, you say? They are hard-pressed to get ready in the morning to "pick up" 2 of their friends and take them to school before their bus arrives. What's really fun is that their friends are GIRLS. What is even better is that the girls' father was one of my very first "group" of church friends. We've always stayed in touch throughout the years and now our kids are the same age and friends to each other.

Not only is this a big deal to me as a friend but also as a parent. Mind you, just a few years ago being told that Jeremiah will have a hard time making friends but a harder time keeping them. I'm proud to say, they've been friends for at least 5 years. They just can't wait to pick them up tomorrow morning and say "Happy Valentine's Day!"

I'm a big boy, now!

Yesterday Jeremiah and I went to a church we hadn't been to for 3 1/2 years to listen to my father's testimony. While we were there, many folks complimented Jeremiah. Saying, "You've gotten so tall!", "You're so handsome!", "You're a big boy, now!", and so on. Upon leaving, Jeremiah was too excited just to leave the church, he was pulling me right out the door. When we sat down in our van, he took a sigh of relief and repeated all the compliments he was given for the next 5 miles. Then he blurts out, "When I get bigger, I can do man sports!" In my ill informed mind, I was thinking perhaps baseball, golf, football (Because it was Superbowl Sunday). He then states, "I can race cars, and go REAL fast!" Well, that stopped my thoughts!